That Time I Threw Out the First Pitch Dressed as a Giant Cucumber.

So last night I was remembering one of my best stories, and even though it is slightly embarrassing, I thought I would share it with all of you.

Back in the old-days at Alpha & Omega (circa 2006??) one of my coworkers made a Larry Boy costume for special events.  It was pretty impressive considering it was home-made; it was as wide as the hula-hoops used for it's structure.  But it wasn't as tall as it needed to be for most people to wear it; you needed to be under 5 and half feet for it to look right.  This severely limited the number of people qualified to dress up as Larry Boy.

One summer A&O was having a "Night at the Ball Game."  We would watch the Rochester Red Wings play, and then following the game, they would invite people onto the field to watch the new Veggie Tales movie on the jumbo screens.

Somehow.  And I am not really sure how.  I was elected to dress up in the costume for this event.

I was not super excited about it.  Because the last time Larry Boy made an appearance at the Red Wings game, the kids completely clothes-lined the girl wearing the costume.  Seriously.  They knocked her down... Sometime after that incident she resigned.  I have no proof that Larry Boy was the reason why.  But I have my suspicions.

So.  I was not particularly excited.  But I was gonna be a team player and do it.

It just so happens that the manager at the store was my friend Meredith (I am not sure why SHE didn't have to wear the costume, she is the right height...).  And the afternoon before the game we were hanging out.  She got a call from the store's owners.  The conversation (from my perspective) went something like this:

Bosses: saying something I cannot hear.
Meredith: (looking at me) um, I don't think she is going to want to do that.
Bosses: saying some more things I cannot hear.
Meredith: (still looking at me) um, I really don't think she is going to want to do that.
Bosses: saying some other things, I still cannot hear.
Meredith: Okay we are on our way.

She hangs up and tells me that they need us to go to stadium right now.  Because they want Larry Boy to throw out the first pitch of the game.  Which means they want me to get in front of the crowd, dance around, throw farther than I have ever thrown in my life... dressed as a giant vegetable.

I didn't want to do that.  I really didn't want to do that.

I can't remember how she convinced me to do it.  I imagine that cotton candy was involved.  But.  We left for the stadium.

Once we got there:

They put the costume on me... You can only have about 75% visibility out of it; which means once I got in it, everything was a surreal blur.

Meredith and I got in an elevator that took us down to the field.

They lead me out and I waved at the millions of people in the stands.

I was brought to the pitcher's mound and handed a ball.  The costume only allows you to use your elbows.  So I couldn't even throw using my shoulder.  I couldn't see 3 feet in front of me, let alone home plate.  So I just sucked it up and sort of tossed the ball, the best I could, in what I hoped was the right direction.

To this day, I have no idea where the ball went.  I just know that the stadium laughed.  And then I was thankful that I was dressed in a cucumber suit and 99.9% of the people there had no idea it was me.

They lead me back to the elevator.  Handed me a baseball that said "First Pitch" on it.  And up we went.

Then some guy in the elevator took my ball and signed it.  And handed it back to me.

I got out of the elevator, and met a whole bunch of kids.  None of whom knocked me down.  And that was that.

So, at home, in a fancy baseball display I have a Red Wings first pitch ball.

Oh.  And the guy who signed it?  Buck O'Neil.  The first African American to coach in major league baseball.  A major player for Negro League baseball...  Mr O'Neil died a couple months after I met him.  After I met him, dressed up as Larry Boy, and made a fool out of myself in front of the masses.

The end.